So I made a very hard decision over the last couple of days. Since Sunday I have VERY seriously been considering what I would do regarding this weekend. In case you never read this blog (ever), missed the last couple of days, or were living in a proverbial box the last few days; I am, of course, referring to the Cross My Heart And Hope To Die Willoughby Cyclocross Spectacular. I Rode out to the venue on Sunday and did one fairly solid lap around the course, and felt like someone had just kicked my butt. I took a bit of a ride after that, and went back to try to bang out another lap. The second time around I botched the heck out of it. A couple of bad starts, a bad dismount, a bad remount (missing a remount hurts like hell, by the way), and then realizing the flaw in having platforms on the mountain bike. All of these things just seemed to pile up and psych me out.
Sunday night I started preparing the story for Monday (I do them the night before, It's 10:00 pm on Wednesday for example) and I kept thinking about what I could do to prepare to race Saturday. I'm really not crazy about the idea of riding a cross race on a mountain bike, but I've seen it done. Heck, the women's winner last year was on a MTB. I thought about clipless pedals, I have them on the road bike (I don't want a debate on why SPD pedals shouldn't be on a road bike, OK?!); I could just pull the clipless off the road bike and throw them on the MTB! Yeah!, that would work! Oh, but I don't have a MTB shoe. Hmmm... OK, new problem.
Monday I couldn't focus all morning. I would work a bit, have a brilliant idea on how I could rock out at the race, and then come to a conclusion (read this as "punked out") on why it wouldn't be feasible. This continued, pretty much, all day Monday, and even resulted in cross dreams. Tuesday I got up, jumped in the shower, and was still thinking about it. At some point Tuesday morning I just knew it wasn't going to happen. I had dismissed the entire idea of doing the race.
With that said, I also started to feel bad. I started to analyze why I wasn't doing it. Did I punk out because I couldn't man up enough to bite the bullet and just do it? Did I have a rational reason, or set of reasons, for not doing the race. Was I too worried about my performance and ego to just do the race and have fun with it? I'll probably never know. What I do know is that this means that my first race will be, bare minimum, in 2009.
Bluenoser brought up a good point. His point was, "You'll know when you're ready to race Phun." So my question is this, how? When was it that you just knew you were ready to race?
5 months ago