Cycling Phun Phake News: Specialized Product Announcement

15 January 2008
Cycling Phun Phake News Service

Today Specialized announced a breakthrough in bicycles, the first ever "Fo'ty Fo". That's right, 29's are now so 2008, so in order to keep up with the car industry (Subaru is about to release their redesigned 2009 Forester), Specialized is on the cusp of releasing the first ever 44" Mountain bike. While no pictures are currently available, rumor has it the "Specialized Fo'ty Fo' MTB" (as it is said to be called), will come only in chrome, gold plate, or platinum (for the real baller/shot caller). Prices are said to be starting at $4200, and it's said to be equipped "full out SRAM, sucka". A Specialized representative, who did not want to go on record, said:
"Sh__ yeah! This bike is gonna have more bling than Jay Z! What? It's going to be the Hummer of bikes. 29er's were PRIMO for rocks, and extremely toe up, rutted, and ridiculous trails. Imagine, if you will, how being on a 29er makes you feel like you're just floating on air! Not to mention is so hip, that even the most dopestist (his words, not mine) playa in school will cool!" I asked him, "by Hummer of bikes, do you mean it will be really cool now and suck in about three years?" To that he had no comment. Other rumors, which could not be confirmed at this time are: spinners, old school dice valve caps with diamonds as the dots, the head badge in a diamond stud option, bars wrapped in gator skin, and subwoofers in place of the seat bag, though the later is doubtful.
In an effort to "one better" the 2009 Subaru Forester (due out early spring 2008), they are set to release the 2010 Fo'ty Fo' MTB by March 2008. More on this as details become available.