Must Have Been One Hot Bike

I’m going to push back the story I was going to post today until tomorrow to keep this fresh piece of juicy info hot! If I shared the first part of this story previously, I apologize, but it is somewhat important in the scheme of things.
My wife once gave me the option, gave me an ultimatum, call it what you will. I have my bike in my bedroom in my home. One day while I was gazing, yes I was gazing… far much more than just a glance or a stare, anyway I was gazing at my bike and my wife said “If you’d like, I can sleep on the couch so that you can sleep with your bike next to you.” After thinking about that for a minute, I came to the realization that she was being sarcastic. I also realized I should probably pay a little more attention to her than my bike. However I didn’t learn. I proceeded to start a conversation on how exactly one would have “sexual relations” with a bicycle. We got into far too long of a discussion, just starting a conversation about it can be categorized as “far too long”, about the subject and preceded to come up with some interesting ideas. This is neither the time, nor place for those to be shared.
The reason I bring this up; apparently the wife and I are not the only two people to ponder this. You see, recently a man was put on the “sex offenders’ register” in Scotland. I’m not going to get to deep in the story, but you can read about it for yourself. Man Who Had Sex With Bike In Court can be found in the Telegraph UK website. It’s a very interesting read. I won’t even ask why he was put on the register, since they came into his hostel room after opening a locked door with a master key, but whatever. The more important part of the story for today is that guy was trying to sex up his bike. I really don’t think I have to say anything more, do I?